What Do You Believe ~ THE SOLUTON
Now, let’s look at what the AA Big Book teaches as the key components of faith. You may ask, ‘Why? Who cares what this book says about faith?’ This book has led many to physical healing and has provided a spiritual gateway to those who would never consider God. Additionally, the fingerprints of God are all over its pages!
To begin with, ‘Faith Means Courage‘ (Pg. 68). This sentence is found on a page in the Big Book that teaches how to handle fear. My life was ‘driven by a hundred forms of fear’ (Pg.62). Most of my decisions were made through the lens or filter of fear. Was I trusting God? Was I going to God? When I look back, the answer is not complicated. No.
The truth is, I tried to reason my way out of everything. Oh, I had faith! I trusted in my own reasoning skills. “We had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of reason.” (Pg. 54) I trusted in my ability to figure ‘it’ (every thing) out, to reason my way out of every problem. If I couldn’t reason my way out, then I was scared and turned to food. When I was happy, ‘Oh good, food!’ When I was sad, food was my comfort. Tired? Food. Angry? Food! Lonely? Food! The answer to every problem: food!
What do you believe? THE PROBLEM:
For many years, I considered myself a believer, A Christian. I went through all kinds of motions: early morning prayer, off to church on Sunday, read and study the bible alone and with groups of people, I even left literature in the bathroom at the conservatory I attended. I was just eighteen years old and was subsequently called into the Dean’s office (I was delighted that they knew it was me as I was so vocal about my love for God!)
Since the age of 14, I had struggled with a binge disorder that included episodes of fasting, binging and bulimia, all at the same time that I was pulled into that Deans office for leaving literature in the bathroom. Why didn’t it dawn on me to bring this problem to God? In fact, I would live like that for another five years until I was twenty-two years old and the mother of two tiny people (age 2 years and 8 days old). I finally cried out to God, “Help me, I’m like an alcoholic only it’s the food! I can’t control this! Help me!” I wasn’t trying to be dramatic; I was alone, it was late morning, the children were napping and I was laying on my kitchen floor, face down and arms out stretched as if my kitchen windows were facing God! Why did I wait so long to bring the problem to God?