Tag Archives: Eating disorder

Wiggle Room

“Yellow-Light foods” and What I’ve learned.

Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Inspirational Music, Gospel, Christian, Concerts, Public Speaker, Bookings, Christian, OA, GuitarIn my quest to ‘discover’  what foods are driving my eating disorder, in other words, to clarify what foods are leading me back to the cliffs (see Cliff walking), that place where I reach a threshold and binge,  I was asked to make my list of Red-light foods: the foods I know to be binge foods, Green light-foods,  the ones “I’m positive” (Note to self: Really? Are you sure?) I can handle, and my Yellow-light foods, the ones we identify as “I’m not sure they are a problem.” These foods are the ones I have held onto with a vengeance!

That about sums it up. “Get back in there: I can control this, and I’m NOT GIVING IT UP, It’s Mine, Mine Mine!” It wasn’t till I joined a 12 step recovery group that I started to identify ‘what exactly is the problem,’ calling them, “MY” (MINE, MINE, MINE!!!) ‘Red-Light, Green-light and Yellow-light foods.’  After 33 years in this program, I have finally learned, if they are ‘Yellow-light foods’, they are, most likely, ‘red-light’ foods you are holding onto. I had heard this before from one woman, but she said it in such a ‘matter of fact’ way, I dismissed her as being ‘nuts’, ‘wrong’, and gave it the old, “Thanks for the information” (Pg. 39, Anonymous), ‘See ya!’.

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What do you Believe? Part 2

Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Singer and Song Writer, Twelve Step RecoveryWhat Do You Believe ~ THE SOLUTON

Now, let’s look at what the AA Big Book teaches as the key components of faith. You may ask, ‘Why? Who cares what this book says about faith?’ This book has led many to physical healing and has provided a spiritual gateway to those who would never consider God.  Additionally, the fingerprints of God are all over its pages!

To begin with, ‘Faith Means Courage‘ (Pg. 68).  This sentence is found on a page in the Big Book that teaches how to handle fear. My life was ‘driven by a hundred forms of fear’ (Pg.62). Most of my decisions were made through the lens or filter of fear. Was I trusting God? Was I going to God? When I look back, the answer is not complicated. No.

The truth is, I tried to reason my way out of everything. Oh, I had faith!  I trusted in my own reasoning skills. “We had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of reason.” (Pg. 54) I trusted in my ability to figure ‘it’ (every thing) out, to reason  my way out of every problem. If I couldn’t reason my way out, then I was scared and  turned to food. When I was happy, ‘Oh good,  food!’ When I was sad, food was my comfort. Tired? Food.  Angry? Food!  Lonely? Food!  The answer to every problem: food!

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