Tag Archives: A.A. Big Book

Part 2, Dr. Tiebout; Grandiosity?

 Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Singer and Song Writer, Blog, Music, Guitar Twelve Step Recovery, Speaker, Concert Artist, sally.atari@yahoo.com, sallyatari.comRound Two of Harry Tiebout’s Article: Grandiosity!

Dr. Harry Tiebout’s article, “THE ACT OF SURRENDERING TO THE THERAPEUTIC PROCESS” states: “In the compulsive overeater, there are two qualities which are characteristic of their personality:  Defiant Individuality and Grandiosity.This may very well explain the well-known fact the overeater is, among the not-so sick, the most UNREASONABLE and STUBBORN about seeking help or being able to take it even when she seeks it.  Both of these qualities operate in unconscious layers of the mind and the influence of both must be defined as:  That quality which permits the individual who has it to snap her fingers in the face of reality and live on unperturbed.” (Tiebout) 

Defiance and grandiosity, these are the two subconscious elements that drive the food addict and have kept us in the disease. The following are some of the more key and incredibly concise descriptions of the compulsive overeater and what keeps us for so long, in the disease. In the post, The face of defiance, part one of this subject, I learned about the character flaw of defiance that, working with denial, has provided an isolating internal atmosphere of control and power to keep me in the disease despite the pain and mentally compulsive behaviors that have held me prisoner to my self and my decision to stay in the sick mindset I lived in for most of my self-imposed prison with food.

 “Grandiosity, as structured in the psyche of the overeater, springs from the persisting infantile ego. . . grandiosity claims there is nothing it cannot master and control; on the other side, the facts demonstrate, unmistakably, the opposite.” (Tiebout). It’s grandiosity that kept me in the delusion that I could somehow control this disease.

“The dilemma of the overeater is not obvious.  Her unconscious mind rejects, through its capacity for defiance and grandiosity, what its conscious mind perceives.  Hence, realistically, the individual is frightened by her eating and at the same time is prevented from doing anything about it by the unconscious activity which can and does ignore or override the conscious mind.” (Tiebout)

The dilemma is that the world still doesn’t get that we even have an addiction just like alcoholism or a cocaine addiction. It’s 2015 and the world still doesn’t understand that there are three types of eaters… there is the ‘moderate eater’. (BB Pg. 20-21) They are so lucky that they have no interest in food and just eat to sustain their bodies.  Even then, in some cases, they are annoyed that they have to eat at all! Then there are Hard Eaters’ who like to binge on the holidays, on weekends (wings and pizza and ice-cream and more). These people can stop when they get full or when they want to lose a few pounds, they can pull it together! Weight watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutri-system, and a host of other diets will work well. They need some structure,  a plan and group support and they are on their way! But there are people like me who are food addicts! Like alcoholics, we have the allergy of the body and we have the mental ‘twist’, (BB Pg. 23, 24, 33, 35, 37, 42 and 92), the greater aspect of our disease (“the crux of the matter”  as the Big Book calls it on Pg. 35). The dilemma for me is that I didn’t believe me! And then, the world backed up my delusion and denial by saying, ‘It’s not that bad, you just need a diet and some group support.’ And I believed what they said because I wanted it to be true. But it wasn’t true! I have a sick mind and an allergy that led to obesity three times in my life.

One last thing, with regard to this article and then I will drop it! “With submission to a diet, which at best is a superficial yielding, tension still continues:  “There’ll come a day when I lose the weight, then i can eat again…” . . . The tools of phone, a plan of eating, a sponsor, meetings, writing, and reading and even anonymity: these are designed to induce surrender to the fullest degree possible so that defiance and grandiosity actually cease effectively to function. Some programs within OA use tools to help us “surrender” instead of yielding to a diet mentality.

“She senses a serenity, the possession of which frees the individual from the compulsion to eat.  In other words, an act of surrender is an occasion wherein the individual no longer fights life, but accepts it.” (Tiebout) Apparently by seizing the tools of the program, we become surrendered and then serenity (a peaceful state) ensues and leads to a mind-set that makes us willing to stop fighting and follow the ground rules, the guidelines of a program (such as  Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Singer and Song Writer, Blog, Music, Guitar Twelve Step Recovery, Speaker, Concert Artist, sally.atari@yahoo.com, sallyatari.comHOW or FAA or ‘Gray Sheeter’s’  ect.)  and instead of submitting to a diet mentality, we are finally at peace with the disease and a plan for behavior modification because that’s what the tools give us, behavior modification.

2 Comments

Filed under Recovery

Bless Them, Change Me!

Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Singer and Song Writer, Blog, Music, Guitar Twelve Step Recovery, Speaker, Concert Artist, sallyatari@gmail.com, sallyatari.com, Study

  God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot CHANGE,
the courage to CHANGE
the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference!

For over thirty years, I have focused on the words serenity, courage and wisdom when praying this prayer, just as this picture highlights the same words. How about you? But there has been a shift in my thinking of late. The key word has become change! This word is the crux of the matter for me! I needed to change. Let’s consider what the A.A. Big Book tells us about change; this word is used in a profound way and helps to  define ‘Recovered’ and what that looks like.

From the moment I first heard the word, “Recovered”, I wanted to go there! I wanted it so badly, it was like a splinter entered my skin. I wanted to live free, be free; to be set free! I was in a prison of sorts, I know that if you’re a “normee” (a normal eater) you think, “That’s weird! What is she talking about?” I don’t expect you to understand. But for all those who have struggled with addiction, you understand! From the start, for some reason, I considered ‘recovered’ a place to go, to reach; a trip that I must take! An island in the sun where I could walk free of the non-stop compulsive thoughts that swirled around my head about food and my next compulsive bite. And if I wasn’t thinking about food, I was thinking about what you and everyone else was thinking about me and worried, restless and irritable and so discontent with life. There was no peace. My mind was a back ally and so, I used food to get numb. Bill W. used alcohol. He, too, was in a quagmire, and it was of his own making too. His mind, like mine, was sick. How many walk around in this condition. I was one of the lucky ones who woke up. How many are sound asleep and have moments of lucidity from their stupor, be it ice-cream or gin? I’m not saying that eating ice cream is bad, but it was my drug of choice.

When I think about going to a far away land, I think about the many changes I will be confronted with: a different monetary system, a different language, a different time zone and even the need to change my watch settings and sleep patterns: a different culture and way of doing things, a change in how I drive, whether it’s on the opposite side of the street and/or cars with a change in the location of the steering wheel.    When we put ourself in a strange place, a strange land, we have to acclimate and make changes, to grow and work with new circumstances.  This is the essence of the changes that are required to become well  and live in the land of recovered.  This is what is required to get on the straight road as opposed to the crooked path we’ve been on! When Bill sees how his friend Ebby has changed, he says, “I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on a different footing. His roots grasped a new soil.” (Pg. 12-13) Could it be the land of Recovered that he spoke of?

1 Comment

Filed under Recovery

Step Three Prayer From My Heart!

Sure, I memorized the Third Step Prayer. . . Thy Will Be Done,  Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Singer and Song Writer, Blog, Music, Guitar Twelve Step Recovery, Speaker, Concert Artist, sally.atari@yahoo.com, sallyatari.com

a long time ago. But I didn’t make it my own (A.A. Big Book, Pg. 63). The ‘Step Three Prayer’ from my heart looks like this:

God,

I offer myself to you: I give up on running the show… I give up on playing God in my life…. I’m done running the show! Please, You be the director… the boss, the father I long for….

-Build with me

-Do with me…what ever you think is best! Because You know what’s best for me! You know me better than I know me!

1 Comment

Filed under Recovery