Tag Archives: 12 Step Recovery

To Be or Not To Be

imagesRecently, a dear friend said to me, “Sally! God created you to be a human being, not a human doing. You must slow down and you must focus on ‘being’ … not so much ‘doing’.  I found this so interesting. Self thought: ‘Hmmmmm, but I have so much to do?!?!’

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Wiggle Room

“Yellow-Light foods” and What I’ve learned.

Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Inspirational Music, Gospel, Christian, Concerts, Public Speaker, Bookings, Christian, OA, GuitarIn my quest to ‘discover’  what foods are driving my eating disorder, in other words, to clarify what foods are leading me back to the cliffs (see Cliff walking), that place where I reach a threshold and binge,  I was asked to make my list of Red-light foods: the foods I know to be binge foods, Green light-foods,  the ones “I’m positive” (Note to self: Really? Are you sure?) I can handle, and my Yellow-light foods, the ones we identify as “I’m not sure they are a problem.” These foods are the ones I have held onto with a vengeance!

That about sums it up. “Get back in there: I can control this, and I’m NOT GIVING IT UP, It’s Mine, Mine Mine!” It wasn’t till I joined a 12 step recovery group that I started to identify ‘what exactly is the problem,’ calling them, “MY” (MINE, MINE, MINE!!!) ‘Red-Light, Green-light and Yellow-light foods.’  After 33 years in this program, I have finally learned, if they are ‘Yellow-light foods’, they are, most likely, ‘red-light’ foods you are holding onto. I had heard this before from one woman, but she said it in such a ‘matter of fact’ way, I dismissed her as being ‘nuts’, ‘wrong’, and gave it the old, “Thanks for the information” (Pg. 39, Anonymous), ‘See ya!’.

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“I AM A Worm…” Psalm 22

Many, many years ago, when I was just eighteen years old, I started to read and study the bible;  It was at the very beginning of my walk with a  God I barely knew or even believed in. It was about that time,  I Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Inspirational Music, Gospel, Christian, Concerts, Public Speaker, Bookings, Christian, OA, Guitarmet  a young man, only one year older than me. He loved the bible too and at his young age of 19, he knew so much. He agreed to study with me and it wasn’t long before we reached Psalm 22, a ‘song’ written by King David, a musician and psalmist. The young man aspired to teach seminars on the subject of Creationism. Just as my hearts desire was to serve God through music, he, being a scientist, had a strong desire to serve God and present the study of Creationism, which strives to make a case, based on scientific evidence, that God is indeed the creator of heaven and earth and debunk the theory of evolution. One of my first bible studies with the young man was about a small worm. The memory is vivid and it’s such a precious biblical lesson that, I must share it with you.

Psalm 22:6 presents us with simple words with a hidden meaning: “I Am a Worm and no longer a Man.” To begin with, there is a worm, the Crimson or Scarlet worm. It’s story, it’s life, speaks volumes. Let me tell you about the scarlet worm. This worm climbs onto a tree all by itself.  By its own choiceit attaches and even ‘secures’ itself to the tree, knowing it will not come down off that tree alive. It goes to the tree to birth a family and to do that it must die in the process. Once on the tree the crimson worm attaches itself to the tree because the body of the worm will be the shelter for the young. during the birthing process, the worm secretes a gel or crimson colored fluid which covers the eggs that she lays (this leaves a stain on the tree so when you see such a stain, you will know, aSally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Inspirational Music, Gospel, Christian, Concerts, Public Speaker, Bookings, Christian, OA, Guitar crimson worm was the cause.) At first glance, the reader of the Psalm might not think much about this sentence, “I AM A Worm”. In the story of Moses and the burning bush, when God calls Moses to go back to Egypt and speak to the pharaoh and tell him to “let my people Go”, Moses asks the voice coming from the fire, “Who shall I say sent me?” And God said, “Tell them, I AM”. And so, I Am is another name for God. I love this name because God is not “I was” or “The God, I will Be”, He is an ever-present God and TODAY we are called to seek HIM. (Exodus 3:14). Psalm 22:6 is the first verse in this psalm where King David (1000 years before Christ) describes the crucifixion of the Messiah. And the God, I Am goes on to liken Himself to A Worm, the scarlet worm. A few more things about “coccus ilicis”, yet another name for the scarSally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Inspirational Music, Gospel, Christian, Concerts, Public Speaker, Bookings, Christian, OA, Guitarlet or crimson worm that you should know. The worm stays for three days, covering it’s eggs with its blood-like fluid. Then, the fluid is scraped from the tree and is used as a dye.This dye was used in the old testament times for the high priests garments and for the sanctuary linens. Additionally, the dead worm, when scraped off the tree (after the three days and in fact on the fourth day) it becomes the ingredient of medicines as it has healing powers. (“By His stripes we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5). 

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Some Trust in Chariots and Some, In Guns!

Oh, how nice! Clean sheets for my bed! I had thrown them in the dryer just before I went out-of-town for the Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Inspirational Music, Gospel, Christian, Concerts, Public Speaker, Bookings, Christian, OA, Guitarweekend and now, putting them back on my bed is the last thing I have to do. But as I went to put the corner of the sheet on the bed, the corner where I lay my head, I realized I couldn’t put the corner on because something was in the way. I reached my hand behind the mattress, next to the head board, and realized my two-foot- long flash-light was there! I pulled that out and put it on the end table. As I went to put the corner of the sheet on the mattress, something was in the way again. Oh yea, my miniature baseball bat! Pull that out and put that aside too. Then the thought crossed my mind, ‘What’s next, a miniature automatic assault weapon?’

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Are you Pickled?

Sally Ettari a/k/a Sally Atari, Inspirational Music, Gospel, Christian, Concerts, Public Speaker, Bookings, Christian, OA, Guitar“Once an alcohlic, always an alcoholic.” (Pg. 33T BB) 

“Pickled!” Most people in program know and understand that once we are pickled, there is no turning back!

“Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person”. (AA Big Book xiii) This is also true for the compulsive overeater. We don’t get over  a real eating disorder; we don’t get cured, just recovered. It’s sort of like going into remission for the Cancer patient. We make a beginning when we stop the binge eating or other compulsive behaviors related to an eating disorder. We get recovered through the spiritual kit of tools called the “Twelve steps of recovery“. But many remain pickled for an extended period of time. In light of that, you may want to ask yourself the question, ‘What kind of pickle am I?’

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