Sure, I memorized the Third Step Prayer. . .
a long time ago. But I didn’t make it my own (A.A. Big Book, Pg. 63). The ‘Step Three Prayer’ from my heart looks like this:
–I offer myself to you: I give up on running the show… I give up on playing God in my life…. I’m done running the show! Please, You be the director… the boss, the father I long for….
-Build with me
-Do with me…what ever you think is best! Because You know what’s best for me! You know me better than I know me!
-Relieve me of the bondage of me… of my best thinking which isn’t and never has been enough!
–Take away my difficulties, change me…transform and recreate me…Do this for me and for those around me!
–That others will see your power …. That others will see the victory I’m having over my defects because of your power… that others will see the victory in my life now that I have taken step one… I admit it that I need you, Step two- asking that you would help my unbelief – help me believe more!
So they can see your power and your love and your way of life…In my new behaviors and through me!
–May I do Thy will always… My way didn’t work… My way got me in a mess… I’m ready to try something else… Your way…. Thy will be done!
What is the alternative to ‘Thy will be done?’ The alternative to recovery? The alternative to saying this prayer and reaching this shore?
- The alternative is that I’m not going to grow anymore, that I’m not going to change anymore.
- The alternative is me back to gaining weight and killing myself… hurting my body… returning to the old sick relationship with food… screaming in my head…Is there any more? Yes! But I’m full… there’s more… theres’ more… can’t stop … till it’s all gone!!! How many blueberries are in a portion? When they’re all gone!
- The alternative is me full of fear about where it will end! Where I will end up. ? And worse than the weight… and the clothes that don’t fit … and my face looking puffy… it’s the insanity… the lack of judgment… the lack of self-control… it’s putting my foot in my mouth and saying things I can’t fix… the tooth paste is out of the tube! Offending people over and over… and saying I’m sorry … over and over… I’m sorry , I’m sorry… it means I will stop growing and again become stunted… again…saying I’m sorry for things I keep doing! Poor judgment…and impulsively responding (which I still sometimes do (BB Pg. 87 Top)) instead of pausing and praying and restraint of pen and tongue! (BB Pg. 87 bottom of page and 12&12 Pg. 91)
- It means the end of being clear minded… oh how can I let that Go!!! The end of being helpful to anyone else… it means I can’t sponsor anyone… no more life boats… no speaking on any meeting as I would be of no value… a sounding gong and I would be drunk.. and have nothing to say…
- It means I would be lost in the romance novels… sneaking to read on, late into the night as I hate suspense… I would be lost in the TV… lost in movies … hiding in the corner watching others live their lives… fear filled… and afraid to live my own life.. afraid of the impending mistakes … that’s why I hide and isolate… to limit the mistakes, limit the social fopas…. Limit the poor judgment… hide Sally… isolate . . .
- The alternative is falling off the cliff (See Cliff walking, Dec. 20 Post on this Blog) and into the food! There can be no turning back…
(BB Pg. 63) And I thought well before taking this step… making sure we were ready…. That … that we could at last abandon ourselves… abandon my best thinking… which was never enough and once and for all say, ‘I’m ready…. Utterly ready to abandon myself to HIM!’ I don’t say, ‘Amen’ because this is the start of my day and my new life.
Your turn God! I’m done! I’m done playing God! It’s Your turn. . .
Thank You for giving me a chance to try it Your way!
Thy will be done.
God, I offer myself to Thee- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always! (A.A. Big Book Pg. 63)