Who are you depending on?
So much of my life’s decisions and actions were based on fear; a corrosive thread in my thinking. Just one example: What will people think? I’ve been basing my personal success on outer circumstances, in fact letting everyone and every thing define how I see myself. If you think ‘I’m ok’, I must be Ok! If the numbers add up, I’m ok! If the audience is huge, I must be ok? I based my self-worth on the numbers, on what you thought and on what you said for my whole life! This is interesting because I’m seeing that here to, it’s about boundaries. Why do I give others so much power to define me? Why do I care so much what others think and what makes you a better judge than God as to how I’m doing? How can I be authentically me and stop being a people pleaser and worrying about what other people think? Who am I depending on anyway?
I have mis-used this word through out my life and have applied it to far too many interesting and exciting people, places and things that were unworthy of such a splendid adjective. Recently, while lost in thought and very alone with my Father-God, I made a decision to reserve this word, to set it apart from use, determined to only ascribe such a splendid adjective to my Precious and All Mighty God. Although I have slipped and the word has passed between my lips, quickly I have apologized both in my heart and mind to My Lord and again re-committed myself to refrain from its use and asked Him to set a gate at my lips and help me to guard the use of this word, willing, in the depths of my heart of hearts to set a fence around this word and keep it from nearing or exiting my mouth, that it should here after only pass the gaits of my lips with the express purpose of describing and being associated with the All Mighty, oh what a mighty and Awesome God I serve. (“Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3)